From Merry-Go-Rounds To Roller Coasters

    When I discovered that I was to become a parent once again, I began to imagine all of the wonderful adventures that I was going to embark upon with my child: his first steps, his first words, and all the activities that we would become involved with. When my son Josh was born, I began to notice he was not developing like other children his age. For example, he was not talking as well as expected, he was emotionally detached, and also lacked motor skills. Eventually, at the age of four, Josh was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome. Asperger’s is a disorder that affects the way a person socializes and communicates with others. Other symptoms include: difficulty with coordination, an obsession with rituals or routines, and detachment from everyday feelings. In the crush of an instant, everything changed for me. In the last ten years, I have learned that raising a child with Asperger’s has both unique challenges and triumphs. I could not have learned that more than I did over two summer vacations.

    When Josh was eight we went on vacation to Ocean City, Maryland. As a youngster, I spent all of my summers there. I loved everything about the place, especially the boardwalk. The boardwalk was two and a half miles of carnival atmosphere that was full of rides, arcades, and attractions. I hoped that Josh would have the same feelings, but instead, he showed no interest in the festivities around him. He seemed completely disinterested with anything the boardwalk had to offer. I was disheartened by this thought. I turned to my wife and said, “How could a child not enjoy the boardwalk?” To change his perspective, I figured we would go on some rides. I purchased two tickets for the merry-go-round. As we got on the ride, I could see in Josh’s face that he was becoming uncomfortable. I was not concerned because after all it was a merry-go-round, probably the most low-key ride you could imagine. As soon as the ride began Josh went into a complete meltdown. He screamed, “Dad, I need to get off of here,” and attempted to get off of the ride while it was in full motion. It was everything I could do to keep him from jumping off, until I was able to get the operator to stop the ride. Once I got him off of the ride, I was able to alleviate his anxiety.

    Over the next couple of years, my wife and I frequently discussed the events of that evening. It was something that had really driven home the affects that Asperger’s had on Josh and myself. This episode with Josh had continually been in my thoughts. It stirred up a multitude of emotions inside me. I felt helpless, confused, and even guilty, as if in some way this was my fault. I could not understand how something I loved when I was younger actually terrified my boy. In retrospect, it was this event that caused me to pay more attention to the difficulties that Josh had fitting in with the rest of the world. I hoped that one day I would be able to help him overcome this major hurdle.

    Josh turned ten in the summer of 2007, and once again we decided to go to Ocean City for our summer vacation. Again, we went to the boardwalk. While we there the scene from two years ago kept rolling through my mind. I was determined to do something to push both of us through this obstacle. We spent a good deal of the afternoon playing video games and visiting the shops. All the while I kept trying to persuade Josh to go on the gigantic roller coaster at the end of the boardwalk. Every time I asked, his reply was the usual, “I’ll pass.” I was persistent and continued to ask him throughout the day. Finally, he agreed to go. I did not give him the chance to change his mind. As fast as I could, I grabbed tickets and we were in our seats.  It was a modern roller coaster, complete with twists, turns, and a full loop in the middle. As the roller coaster started to clack it’s way along the uphill climb, Josh turned to me and said, “Dad, I changed my mind.” “Too late,” I replied, “hang on tight.” As we began our first descent, I could see the combination of fear and excitement flash across Josh’s face. He had a white knuckle grip on the bar in front of him, but by the end of the ride I also noticed that there was an enormous smile on his face. This was probably the most overwhelming expression of emotion I had ever witnessed from him.  Once we got off the coaster, I made a huge deal out of the fact that he had taken on something that he was horrified of and conquered it. We both were on top of the world for the rest of the day. We were both full of smiles and proud as could be.

    Ironically, it’s been like a roller coaster ride raising a child with Asperger’s. Constant ups and downs, moments of fear, and periods of great excitement. It has totally changed any preconceived ideas I ever had about raising a child. Some days I am deeply saddened when I see the struggles that Josh must endure on a day-to-day basis, and on other days I glow with pride in seeing the young man that he has become. Josh has grown into an intelligent, good-hearted, and non-judgmental teenager. He is thirteen now and learning more everyday about how to cope with Asperger’s. At the end of the day, all of this has taught me more about parenting, love, and understanding than I could have ever imagined.